dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
