Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
