I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
