Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
