Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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