Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
