You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
