He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
