I have demons in me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
