I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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