I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
