I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
