I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
