I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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