OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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