His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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