PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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