I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
