just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize