I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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