are you still at the devil's house?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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