if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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