who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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