I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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