his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
time to smoke my breakfast
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
