Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
