marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
