as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
3pm strippers are depressing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize