I want to make a zoo with you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
