this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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