I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
