i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
