nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
