my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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