when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
