I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize