i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
