i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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