You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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