I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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