You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
