his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
