so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wear drunk well.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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