you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
