Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
