I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
