She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
