Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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