I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
