im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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