i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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