wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
