I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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