hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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