My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize