Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
