I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
