I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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