i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am one with the molecules
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
