my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
