Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
