i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
