I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
