apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
