PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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