I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
