maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
