heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
