i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
