i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
