I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
