I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
